It has been two months since I am in United Stated right now. I wanted to write a post about living in this country a little earlier but I did not really have time to do so. For most people United States of America is only connected with famous “American dream”. This is what some of my friends are telling me all the time. Everything is better in America, isn’t it?
There are some aspects that are probably better for some people. Americas have a big families, definitely bigger than the ones we have in Europe. The also have bigger roads, cars and houses. They do make bigger shopping because it is just necessarily for them, so to speak. Some people say that living in America is cheaper than living in Europe, but for me it is just a myth. Some things might be cheaper but it is quite comparable to what I used to have back in Poland.
Living in a different culture is definitely a wonderful experience but it is also a hard time for someone who grew up in a different culture. I am not comparing two different cultures and saying that one is better than the other one, I am just saying that there are some different parts which are sometimes hard to accept for me. So it is also hard to adjust for me. Although I am happy about my time here, I do feel odd at some moments. Mostly because my accent will always say that I am not local here.
People here are definitely more chill out than people in Europe. As an example, I am writing this post while sitting at the restaurant and looking at unfamiliar people crossing the street. People, just like in Europe, are looking at the screens of their phones most of the time. Everyone is smiling at each other but it does not necessarily mean they really like you or they care about your day. It is just how they do. This is how they were raised, how their culture works. Whether you like it or not. For me it is annoying sometimes, in some situations. You cannot smile all of the time and say to everyone that your day is wonderful when you feel like falling into pieces. But I am trying to follow their culture.
I remember that before coming to USA I really wanted to stay here and I was saying that this is going to be my new home. But I think in my case I will never find a home. I want to travel all the time in order not to attach to people and places too much. I also think that when we change our environment and work, we change ourselves and we push our body and mind to constant growth. I don’t like to stay in one place for a long time because it makes me feel anxious. It has been two months and I do enjoy being here but I also have these moments when I am dreaming about being back in my country. Mostly because the friendships that I have established here so far, are not as deep as I used to have with my friends. And it is quite understandable. It will take some time to fully fall in love with the country, people and environment.
The good part of my situation here is that I have a wonderful host family that helps me adjust quickly and I just know that I can always count on them, whatever happens. But if someone thinks about becoming an au pair and he or she used to live on their own, totally independently from other people or parents, and they do not want to change this kind of situation, I must say that it might be challenging for them. No matter how much you love you host family (as in my case, no matter how good you feel with them), there is always going to be that part of you that will tell you that this is kind of challenging situation. You need to be aware and conscious that you are not going to have you own apartment or car ( well you might have one that you host family will give to you for your own use) but it is not going to be YOUR car. I was thinking for almost a year before I decided that I am sure I want to come here and devote the whole year of my life to this particular family at the other part of the world.
It is totally impossible for me to get into taxi or plane and go to see my friends or parents. It is just too expensive and I do not have time for that. It is also pretty complicated because every time you want to leave the country you need to have a special signature from your agency and it might be hard to get back. Remember, we Poles do have visas all the time…
Some days are better, some days are worse. Just like with everything and everywhere. Sometime you feel like meeting new people and having party all weekend, and sometimes you feel like staying at home and spending the whole weekend in your bed. Both are good and both are needed from time to time. You cannot be the best all the time, you cannot hide all the emotions you have, because one day you will burst out with all of them and it will be even worse. Sometimes you just need time to sit down and cry, eat a lot of ice cream or watch Netflix without talking to anyone. And if you feel like you need it, just do it without blaming yourself and without feeling guilty that you feel this way. No one is perfect and no one can feel perfectly ok all the time. It is simply impossible. Allow yourself to have bad days and accept them – it will make them much easier.
Anyways, despite of taught days I do think that making our dreams come true is one of the most important part of our lives. If I would not devoted myself to come here to United Stated I would be never able to write this post for you guys and say all these things. I would never learn this things about myself and I would be still in the same place as I was a year ago. So be brave! Whatever happens! Let yourself to have a worse day. It will happen to all of us. No matter what place in the world we are, no matter with who, no matter how happy or anxious, it will happen! Just keep your head up and chill out.